The Key to Finding "Mr. Right"

Two blogs in two days after two years of silence?!?? Say what?!? Yes, its happening, but no, don't get used to it, I make no promises about the frequency of my blog posts. This one is happening simply because its been on my mind a lot lately and has consumed a lot of my brain power today.

This morning, kind of randomly, I decided to listen to the first of Andy Stanley's sermon series/podcast on the "New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating." You see, due to the luck of the draw, I have to give a presentation in my Christian Ethics class on Marriage and Sexuality. And, honestly, I can't think of a less qualified candidate because its something a topic that I just rather avoid all together. But, life can be funny that way.

Anyway, I listened to the podcast, partially with the hopes that it might be relevant to my presentation topic, but honestly, I think I just came to it mostly out of curiosity. I have roughly 400 something podcasts in my itunes folder that have gone unheard, and Andy Stanley's is among those. However, motivation aside, I'm glad I came across it, because he offered some interesting insights that have given me a lot to think about, and I share them with you now.

However, before I go into these insights let me take a minute to discuss my position on being single, which is my current status in life, and I mainly take a moment here to discuss it both because of the topic of this but also as a part of "my journey of self-discovery" (see previous post). I'm single and I'm okay with that. Nope, let me rephrase that, on a good day, I'm okay, with that, on a not so good day, it depresses me, but I'm working on that. However: here's why I'm okay with it (on a good day, that is): I find it beneficial in my current place in life to be single. What does this mean? It means that my status as a single person, makes me more available to do ministry related things, to spend more time with my students, etc. This is not to say that married people can't effectively do ministry and this is not to say that I don't want to get married or that once I am, I will quit doing ministry. I don't mean that at all, I just simply mean that not being married allows me the freedom and time to be more present for my students. However, if I were to be completely honest, my current status as a single adult is probably a better thing for me and my current state of life than it is for my ministry. In other words, I'm not ready to be married. And, I have started to come to terms with that. One day, yes, I would like to be, but I'm simply not there yet. Now, enough about me, and back to the podcast...

 In the first podcast/sermon on his "New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating," Andy Stanley tackles the myth of finding "Mr. Right." To sum up his message: He basically says that many women go about there life convinced that most of their problems will be solved by finding "Mr. Right." And therefore, they put together their ideal list of what this "Mr. Right" looks like, and go on a manhunt for him. However, the problem is, twofold, one, not all your problems will be fixed by finding this mysterious Mr. Right, and two (and this one's the real kicker), while you have been busy looking for Mr. Right, you have not been working on being "Ms. Right." As Andy puts it, the so called, "Mr. Right" that you are looking for won't be interested in the woman you are. How's that for a smack in the face? You see, the focus for us as single women, should not be in finding Mr. Right, but in developing ourselves into "Ms. Right." Cause let's face it, don't you think that if we really want all the things we say we want in "Mr. Right," we need to be the "Ms. Right" he's looking for? 

Please, don't misunderstand me, I am by no means implying that woman need to change themselves in order to fit some mode of "the perfect woman." What I'm saying is that, we need to work on being the kind of women that our ideal "Mr. Right" is looking for.  Let me give an example, one of the things that is on my list of qualities that I am looking for in Mr. Right, is that he be a strong Christian leader, especially in the Church. Now, It would make sense that a guy who is a strong Christian leader would want a strong Christian woman who is a leader in the Church as well, correct? Seems logical to me. So, therefore, I need to work on being the strong  Christian woman leader that will attract a Mr. Right.

Now, a word of caution. Check your motivation. If you go out and take on leadership roles in a church for the sole purpose of finding a mate, you've gone wrong. That is not at all what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that we, as single women, need to be working on developing the type of character that will attract the right kind of Mr. Right.

Therefore, instead of hunting down Mr. Right, let us, as single women, work on being "Ms. Right." And, guys, take everything I just said and reverse it for yourself, you need to work on being "Mr. Right" in order to find "Ms. Right."

Anyway, just some interesting thoughts on the search for Mr. Right, if you would like to hear Andy Stanley's sermon, which I recommend, go to this link: http://www.northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating

Showers and Car Rides: Why I Like Them, Why I Don't

Obviously, I fail at this whole blogging thing...It's been two years since my last post, and I thought about just starting a new blog, but decided to breathe some new life into this old one instead, so, here it goes...

A few months ago, I was challenged to go on a "journey of self-discovery," as I call it. Basically, I was told to "find myself." I recently came to the conclusion that I often define myself based on others' definitions of me, rather than my own. And, not really sure where to start, I decided that I would try and discover my favorites. You see, in general, I hate those icebreaker questions that ask your favorite this and your favorite that, because I never know how to answer them. My favorite color is blue, and beyond that, just don't ask. So, I decided to go on a journey to find my favorite movie, and well, I got really far on that journey, before abandoning it. And by really far, I mean, I watched two movies and then stopped. Oops...eh, maybe I will pick it back up someday. However, while knowing your favorites is important, I think knowing yourself goes much deeper than that, and so I'm intentionally picking back up this journey of self-discovery, hopefully with some depth this time, and if I discover my favorite movie along the way, great, if not, who cares?

Let the Journey Begin...With a Shower and a Car Ride...

"Why the title?" You ask. Let me explain...

A few days ago, my roommate made a very profound comment, she declared, "Showers are my enemy." Such brilliance, such insight, such genius in that one simple statement, that is spawned this blog. Now, some of you may be wondering, why are showers your roommate's enemy? Is she anti-hygiene? Is she uber-concerned about water waste? No and, no. She declared showers to be the enemy because they give you too much time to think with nothing to distract you. And I agree, while she saw only the negative, I see the positive. You see, while showers can be dangerous for that very reason, I also think they can be positive. With no distractions in the shower, I have gotten over writer's block, have planned out whole papers, speeches and conversations. Let's be honest, I have gotten some of my best thinking done in showers. So, I see them as a good thing, and that's why I like them. Why I don't like them, you got to be naked to take them, only once have I ever gotten in the shower fully clothed, but that was an unusual circumstance, for the most part I'm naked when I shower, which isn't may favorite thing to be.

Now, to the car rides portion of the title..

One thing, I can say with certainty about myself: I don't like driving. I don't hate it, but honestly, if we're going somewhere, and someone else wants to drive, I let them. However, as much as I dislike driving, I do find some good in it. Long car rides by myself, much, like showers, give me time to think and clear my head. Sometimes, these are productive, sometimes these are not, just depends on the mood. On the other hand, I'm not always alone when I'm driving, sometimes, I'm driving people somewhere. And, while that often stresses me out, and I will explain why later, I find taking a long trip with someone can be a good way to get to know them. Most recently, I drove some of my students to Fall Conference. And on the way home, the student who had the very important job of keeping me awake and I had some really awesome conversations, and it was truly one of those rare times that I didn't mind driving. We talked about everything, and I learned a lot, and honestly, wouldn't have traded it for anything. Now, why does giving others a ride stress me out? Simple, I have this irrational fear that my passengers are always criticizing my driving. And since I also have no sense of direction, I am likely to get lost, which only makes my fear of judgement worse. So, don't judge me, and give me some directions.

Anyway, these are some of my most recent insights and first pit stops on the journey of self-discovery. Oh, wait, one more thought on driving, I despise the middle lane, it stresses me out to have cars on both sides of me. And with That, I conclude my pit stop on the journey of self discovery...join me, if you dare.