The Key to Finding "Mr. Right"

Two blogs in two days after two years of silence?!?? Say what?!? Yes, its happening, but no, don't get used to it, I make no promises about the frequency of my blog posts. This one is happening simply because its been on my mind a lot lately and has consumed a lot of my brain power today.

This morning, kind of randomly, I decided to listen to the first of Andy Stanley's sermon series/podcast on the "New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating." You see, due to the luck of the draw, I have to give a presentation in my Christian Ethics class on Marriage and Sexuality. And, honestly, I can't think of a less qualified candidate because its something a topic that I just rather avoid all together. But, life can be funny that way.

Anyway, I listened to the podcast, partially with the hopes that it might be relevant to my presentation topic, but honestly, I think I just came to it mostly out of curiosity. I have roughly 400 something podcasts in my itunes folder that have gone unheard, and Andy Stanley's is among those. However, motivation aside, I'm glad I came across it, because he offered some interesting insights that have given me a lot to think about, and I share them with you now.

However, before I go into these insights let me take a minute to discuss my position on being single, which is my current status in life, and I mainly take a moment here to discuss it both because of the topic of this but also as a part of "my journey of self-discovery" (see previous post). I'm single and I'm okay with that. Nope, let me rephrase that, on a good day, I'm okay, with that, on a not so good day, it depresses me, but I'm working on that. However: here's why I'm okay with it (on a good day, that is): I find it beneficial in my current place in life to be single. What does this mean? It means that my status as a single person, makes me more available to do ministry related things, to spend more time with my students, etc. This is not to say that married people can't effectively do ministry and this is not to say that I don't want to get married or that once I am, I will quit doing ministry. I don't mean that at all, I just simply mean that not being married allows me the freedom and time to be more present for my students. However, if I were to be completely honest, my current status as a single adult is probably a better thing for me and my current state of life than it is for my ministry. In other words, I'm not ready to be married. And, I have started to come to terms with that. One day, yes, I would like to be, but I'm simply not there yet. Now, enough about me, and back to the podcast...

 In the first podcast/sermon on his "New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating," Andy Stanley tackles the myth of finding "Mr. Right." To sum up his message: He basically says that many women go about there life convinced that most of their problems will be solved by finding "Mr. Right." And therefore, they put together their ideal list of what this "Mr. Right" looks like, and go on a manhunt for him. However, the problem is, twofold, one, not all your problems will be fixed by finding this mysterious Mr. Right, and two (and this one's the real kicker), while you have been busy looking for Mr. Right, you have not been working on being "Ms. Right." As Andy puts it, the so called, "Mr. Right" that you are looking for won't be interested in the woman you are. How's that for a smack in the face? You see, the focus for us as single women, should not be in finding Mr. Right, but in developing ourselves into "Ms. Right." Cause let's face it, don't you think that if we really want all the things we say we want in "Mr. Right," we need to be the "Ms. Right" he's looking for? 

Please, don't misunderstand me, I am by no means implying that woman need to change themselves in order to fit some mode of "the perfect woman." What I'm saying is that, we need to work on being the kind of women that our ideal "Mr. Right" is looking for.  Let me give an example, one of the things that is on my list of qualities that I am looking for in Mr. Right, is that he be a strong Christian leader, especially in the Church. Now, It would make sense that a guy who is a strong Christian leader would want a strong Christian woman who is a leader in the Church as well, correct? Seems logical to me. So, therefore, I need to work on being the strong  Christian woman leader that will attract a Mr. Right.

Now, a word of caution. Check your motivation. If you go out and take on leadership roles in a church for the sole purpose of finding a mate, you've gone wrong. That is not at all what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that we, as single women, need to be working on developing the type of character that will attract the right kind of Mr. Right.

Therefore, instead of hunting down Mr. Right, let us, as single women, work on being "Ms. Right." And, guys, take everything I just said and reverse it for yourself, you need to work on being "Mr. Right" in order to find "Ms. Right."

Anyway, just some interesting thoughts on the search for Mr. Right, if you would like to hear Andy Stanley's sermon, which I recommend, go to this link: http://www.northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating

Showers and Car Rides: Why I Like Them, Why I Don't

Obviously, I fail at this whole blogging thing...It's been two years since my last post, and I thought about just starting a new blog, but decided to breathe some new life into this old one instead, so, here it goes...

A few months ago, I was challenged to go on a "journey of self-discovery," as I call it. Basically, I was told to "find myself." I recently came to the conclusion that I often define myself based on others' definitions of me, rather than my own. And, not really sure where to start, I decided that I would try and discover my favorites. You see, in general, I hate those icebreaker questions that ask your favorite this and your favorite that, because I never know how to answer them. My favorite color is blue, and beyond that, just don't ask. So, I decided to go on a journey to find my favorite movie, and well, I got really far on that journey, before abandoning it. And by really far, I mean, I watched two movies and then stopped. Oops...eh, maybe I will pick it back up someday. However, while knowing your favorites is important, I think knowing yourself goes much deeper than that, and so I'm intentionally picking back up this journey of self-discovery, hopefully with some depth this time, and if I discover my favorite movie along the way, great, if not, who cares?

Let the Journey Begin...With a Shower and a Car Ride...

"Why the title?" You ask. Let me explain...

A few days ago, my roommate made a very profound comment, she declared, "Showers are my enemy." Such brilliance, such insight, such genius in that one simple statement, that is spawned this blog. Now, some of you may be wondering, why are showers your roommate's enemy? Is she anti-hygiene? Is she uber-concerned about water waste? No and, no. She declared showers to be the enemy because they give you too much time to think with nothing to distract you. And I agree, while she saw only the negative, I see the positive. You see, while showers can be dangerous for that very reason, I also think they can be positive. With no distractions in the shower, I have gotten over writer's block, have planned out whole papers, speeches and conversations. Let's be honest, I have gotten some of my best thinking done in showers. So, I see them as a good thing, and that's why I like them. Why I don't like them, you got to be naked to take them, only once have I ever gotten in the shower fully clothed, but that was an unusual circumstance, for the most part I'm naked when I shower, which isn't may favorite thing to be.

Now, to the car rides portion of the title..

One thing, I can say with certainty about myself: I don't like driving. I don't hate it, but honestly, if we're going somewhere, and someone else wants to drive, I let them. However, as much as I dislike driving, I do find some good in it. Long car rides by myself, much, like showers, give me time to think and clear my head. Sometimes, these are productive, sometimes these are not, just depends on the mood. On the other hand, I'm not always alone when I'm driving, sometimes, I'm driving people somewhere. And, while that often stresses me out, and I will explain why later, I find taking a long trip with someone can be a good way to get to know them. Most recently, I drove some of my students to Fall Conference. And on the way home, the student who had the very important job of keeping me awake and I had some really awesome conversations, and it was truly one of those rare times that I didn't mind driving. We talked about everything, and I learned a lot, and honestly, wouldn't have traded it for anything. Now, why does giving others a ride stress me out? Simple, I have this irrational fear that my passengers are always criticizing my driving. And since I also have no sense of direction, I am likely to get lost, which only makes my fear of judgement worse. So, don't judge me, and give me some directions.

Anyway, these are some of my most recent insights and first pit stops on the journey of self-discovery. Oh, wait, one more thought on driving, I despise the middle lane, it stresses me out to have cars on both sides of me. And with That, I conclude my pit stop on the journey of self discovery...join me, if you dare.

What Ever Happened to Thanksgiving?

The other day I was flipping through the channels and I came across ABC family and stopped for a moment and in that brief moment I saw that they were advertising the "Countdown to the Countdown to Christmas." And I shook my head. Every year it seems Christmas decorations go up earlier, Christmas music starts playing sooner and everyone starts looking forward to Holiday sales. Now, do not get me wrong, I love Christmas and it truly is one of my favorite times of the year, but what frustrates me is that the more we get all pumped up for Christmas and the sooner we start to do so, the more we push aside and ignore Thanksgiving. I believe that Thanksgiving has truly become the holiday that we just try to get through so that it can be more "appropriate" for us to play Christmas music only. For us to get our Christmas shopping done and for us to get into the "holiday mood." However that is not what Thanksgiving is about. This holiday shouldn't be brushed aside and passed over just because we are excited about Christmas. Instead, it should be a time that we gather around with those we love, sit around a table for once to share a meal and simply pause and give thanks. I mean, is it really too much to ask that we pause and give thanks for just one day out of the year? Is it really too much to ask that you pause and slow down for one day and put your Christmas shopping to do list on hold just long enough to give thanks to the One who gave you everything you have to begin with? And on a personal note, Thanksgiving for many of us is one of the few times during the year that we see some of our family, so maybe we should just pause and enjoy that time especially since we are not guaranteed another Thanksgiving with them. That is something that has really been on my heart as this Thanksgiving approaches. Because just tonight as I thought about Thanksgiving pasts and remembered the fond times I had as a child going out playing football with my family, I was hit suddenly by fact that my uncle Mark, who used to be an important part of this tradition sadly won't be with us this Thanksgiving and I am reminded that what is important this Thanksgiving, is that I truly do pause and spend time with the my family and stop and give thanks for the thousands of blessings I have because I'm not guaranteed the next one. So, let us all pause and give Thanks this year and let us not rush past Thanksgiving in order to get to Christmas.

"Check Engine:" Pay Attention to the Small Problem Before It Becomes a Big One

It has been WAY too long since my last blog, I have done a worse job at keeping up with this than I thought I would, which is saying much because my expectations weren't that high...And I have some earlier blogs that I started a while back that I would love to go back and finish one of these days, but for right now, I would like to share some reflections on recent events, so here it goes...
Tonight, in my Spiritual Formations class, we watched this video on attention, and as I was watching this, I began to truly ponder the concept of paying attention and along with that, I pondered all the things that we miss by not paying attention. In this video, they mentioned a quote that I believe was from Ghandi that says that God is always speaking, we just don't know how to listen and as I pondered this in conjunction with recent events, I realized that our lack of attention causes us to miss out on a lot and can cause a small problem to become a bigger one...
For example, for months, the "Check Engine" light on my car had been randomly been popping on and off, and since there really didn't seem to be anything wrong with my car and the appearance of the light seemed to be completely random, I chose to temporarily ignore the problem and tuck it away in my mind as something to have checked out later. As the light continued to come on and off with no real consistency, it was decided that some random sensor might be off on my car and I should get it looked at, but that there was no immediate concern, and so I went on, not paying much attention to this check engine light, then this past Thursday happened...
I was driving to work and I stopped at an intersection and when the light turned green, I hit the gas, expecting my car to move forward, and well, it didn't.... I turned it off and restarted the engine, and still nothing. In complete panic about the fact that my car had chosen not to move, and I was smack dab in the middle of an intersection, I did what any Daddy's girl would do, I called my Dad, who wisely told me to call the police. After getting on the phone with the 911 operator and continual efforts to get my car running (and after a few honks and several angry looks from other drivers) I was able to get my car running enough for me to get it pulled into an shopping center.
To make an incredibly long story short, what ended up being wrong with my car? Well, the crank sensor had gone bad. So, my initial assumption that a sensor was off in my engine was correct, but my decision to ignore or not pay attention to the "check engine" light caused the unneeded stress of having my car die on me in the middle of an intersection, followed by the stress of finding a ride to work and what not and the overall inconvenience of being without a car for a short period of time. Now, God in his infinite grace, did provide for me throughout this situation: first, in the help of friends who came to lend me a car, next in the form of my Dad coming to look at my car and then to get it to the car dealership to get it checked out, and lastly in the form of the car dealership that fit my car into their jammed schedule and got it back to me the next day. However, one important lesson I take from all of this, and one that I hope anyone reading this takes from it, is the importance of paying attention....Had I paid attention to the "check engine" light, I could have avoided this whole mess and stress... So. may I always give due attention to the small problems before they become big ones, but more importantly, may I live everyday paying careful attention to everything happening around me, for we never know when God will speak to us in his still, quiet voice, and if we do not listen and pay attention, he may just need to shout it out at us later....So, let us all take notice of the small, quiet voice of God speaking to us on a regular basis and hopefully avoid the stress of having him shout at us later...
Well, that's all for now, more later and hopefully there won't be as long as a gap between this one and my next one....

PDA...What's Acceptable? What's Not?

So my experiences over the past two nights have prompted me to write this blog about what I consider to be appropriate public displays of affection (PDA) and what crosses the line. Now, before you gather your pitchforks and attack me for being a single person who is just jealous of all those of you who are in relationships, please understand that this is not an attack on all forms of PDA, this is just a request that couples not cross the line of acceptable forms of PDA, so please put your pitchforks away and bare with me...
So two nights in a row, I have been walking across campus and have had my eyes scarred by couples who have gotten a little carried away, so here are my rules of what is acceptable and what is not:
Acceptable: Holding hands, placing your arm around your significant other and the like
NOT Acceptable: Placing your hands underneath your significant other's clothing...basic rule: if you're in public, the public should be able to see your hands
Acceptable: a kiss goodnight
NOT Acceptable: a make-out session...now, I know that when you are saying goodbye to your significant other, that you would like to kiss him or her goodnight or goodbye, whatever it be but unless your significant other is going off to war and you will not see him or her for an extended period of time then please just keep it at a nice tasteful kiss, and if you feel the need to make it last longer because you won't see each other for what seems like an enternity, then please go behind closed doors
Acceptable: sitting on the couch next to your significant other (and by couch, i mean any place for sitting in public)
NOT Acceptable: laying on top of your significant other on the couch...
Okay, this is really all I've got for now, I'm sure more will hit me later as I encounter them, but I'll just post these for now... Before you go on to say that my not acceptable behaviors are obvious and no one would do them in public, please know that I was prompted to write these b/c I have in fact witnessed these acts in public....so, it does indeed happen...I am by no means trying to accuse anyone, this has hopefully just been a friendly request from those of us who would like to be able to walk around without encountering these things, this is not an attack on all forms of affection, for I am a fan of affection, I just think there is a time and place for it and that time and place is not always in public. And for those of you who read this and say that it I and others like me should just look away and avoid watching these individuals, I say, believe me, I have tried, and unfortunately at times its just like a train wreck, you want to look away but can't. Also, let me relay to you what happened to me on Sunday night: I was walking back to my room and a affectionate couple was walking in front of me, so I changed my path so I wouldn't have to be subjected to it any longer and next thing I come across another affectionate couple...yeah...so, I do realize this is an extreme example, but hopefully illustrates my point: sometimes, try as we may, we can not just avoid the overly affectionate couples...One last thought in response to those who say I should just look away, well, anyone who knows me knows that this is dangerous, for instance, last night I decided to send a text message to avoid further subjection of my eyes to the affectionate couple, and well I almost plowed right into a tree because I wasn't watching where I was going....alright, I'm done for now :)

Would You Rather...

This past year, it has been somewhat of a tradition for my small group to start off with a "would you rather?" question. Typically, we picked a random question from a collection that I had pulled off of the internet, but one particular week, I had forgotten to bring the questions so I decided to create one of my own...after much thought and debate (and the input of others), I decided to go with the following question: Would you rather spend two weeks completely paralyzed from the neck down or be confined to bed rest for two months? It was certainly a more serious question than usual, but was certain to incite discussion, which is part of the purpose of the questions. I had not really given the question much thought when I came up with it, but the discussion it inspired and the repercussions of that discussion have caused me to ponder the question more, and so I share my musings with you now...
Overwhelmingly (and by overwhelmingly, I mean everyone minus me and my co-leader) opted for the two months of bed rest over the two weeks of being completely paralyzed, and naturally with such overwhelming results, we decided to discuss the reasoning behind this. My co-leader and I fully admitted that we chose the paralyzed option simply because it was a smaller amount of time, two weeks and you're done, while the bed rest was for a whole two months! It seemed pretty clear to me that two weeks of paralysis would be the less painful option, but then we got into the rather nasty details of why everyone else chose the two months of bed rest, I began to question my decision... COMPLETE paralysis, that means you have absolutely no function of your body from the neck down...just ponder that for a moment....this means that you are completely and fully dependent on someone else for all your needs...You are incapable of feeding yourself, bathing yourself, relieving yourself, shoot, you can't even sit up without the help of someone else...imagine that for a moment, complete and utter dependence on someone else...And then I understood why everyone else was rather firm in their decision to choose bed rest over paralysis...
Complete dependency is a concept foreign to most people and especially so for Americans. The very thought of being dependent bothers us. After all we are a nation that thrives on our independence so why would we ever choose to be dependent on someone else? Yet, this is exactly what God commands on us, the very goal of the Christian life is to relinquish control of our lives to God. As we grow in our Christian walk, we are to grow in our dependence on God, which is totally opposed to everything our human nature and society teaches us. Society teaches us to be independent, to work hard so you don't have to depend on others. Those who are dependent on others are seen as weak and incapable of fending for themselves. So what does this all mean? Well, let's return to the would you rather question, it means that we basically decide to prolong our suffering for six more weeks rather than be dependent on someone else for our needs...this is pretty messed up if you ask me, yet we're all guilty of it, myself included.